Old Lady Dixon, Augustinian Existentialist
“God provides the wind, Man must raise the sail.” - St. Augustine of Hippo
The first theologian I knew was Mrs. Dixon, my 5th Grade Sunday School teacher. Mrs. Dixon was from an old Ohio farm family, it seemed that all old Ohio families of that era were from farms, and brought with her a pungent Midwestern perspective on issues sacred, secular, and profane.
I do not recall if we followed the lectionary or whether Mrs. Dixon chose scripture passages according to her own sense of propriety, but we worked through the great stories of the Older and Newer Testament as she offered her own insight as to their application in our daily lives.
Often, we would engage in free-roaming conversation where we would talk about interpersonal relationships, parents, school, the Cleveland Indians, and all the other sources of vexation in our young lives. In each case, she would offer an observation and response that would tie our concerns into a logical, theologically balanced knot.
Not bad for an elderly Ohio farm wife.
But there was one exchange that I recall in particular; one that summarized her perspective and gave me my first theological insight of which we will speak in a moment.
For I realized much later in my life and education that, in that moment, Mrs. Dixon was a consummate Augustinian Existentialist.
Formalized in the 19th century, based strongly on the teachings of the early church fathers and mothers of the first five centuries, Existentialism is so named as it addresses the questions of existence by examining issues of individual freedom, choice, and our responsibility within that matrix.
[By the 20th century, Existentialism expanded into a non-theistic philosophy as a response to the realities of the post-atomic age, when many, because of world wars and mutually assured nuclear destruction, surrendered their faith in God.1]
Existentialism accepts that the World [as opposed to the Kingdom] is meaningless and thus open for individuals to apply meaning through their values and beliefs. That means there is a great deal of struggle with issues of anxiety, mortality [or “nothingness”], and the burden of responsibility for one divorced from the greater community.
However, before the 20th century turned it into a dour exercise in perpetual mourning for the absence of God and soul, Existentialism was a theology that celebrated the strong and necessary relationship between God and humans as based on the influential writings of St. Augustine of Hippo [354-430], who experienced the full range of doubt and faith.
In his Confessions, Augustine admits to a restless relationship with God. In his quest for the transient pleasures of life, those designed to fill the vacuum of meaninglessness, it is an understatement to say that he was a wastrel and roué.
“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”2
His God-challenged life reached its nadir as he confronted a sense of dissolute and terrifying emptiness. It was then that he realized that he was not a lone moral agent, but one tied inexorably with God as a particle of creation and as redeemed by Jesus’ resurrection.
More to the point, and regardless of his sins, he was loved by God without condition.
It is an inevitable part of Existentialism that one stumbles into what is called the “limit situation,” that moment of terrifying awareness when we perceive how far away from God we have become.
It is a moment familiar to Christians, and historically repeated through a variety of experiences such as St. Paul’s conversion3, St. John of the Cross’ 16th century meditations on the “dark night of the soul,” and the sensation of the “God shaped hole” in our lives of which Blaise Pascal wrote in the 17th century.4
Remember this. When people choose to withdraw far from a fire, the fire continues to give warmth, but they grow cold. When people choose to withdraw far from light, the light continues to be bright in itself but they are in darkness. This is also the case when people withdraw from God.5
Here we return to Mrs. Dixon’s classroom for her pithy definition of Augustinian Existentialism.
One of my fellow fifth graders was complaining that prayer was useless since he had prayed for a good grade on an assignment or test and his appeal had failed miserably, as had he. He had, perhaps, reached his limit situation.
“Did you study for it? Did you do your homework?” asked Mrs. Dixon.
He squirmed a bit, then excreted a mendacious “Yes. Sorta.” No one, especially Mrs. Dixon, believed him.
“If you don’t study and do your homework, God can’t help you. You have to do your part. God works with you, not around you.”
There seemed to be a crackle of static electricity, but it was only in my imagination. At the age of ten, I heard the first thing that made sense.
God works with us, not around us.
That is purely Augustinian. We participate with God in the world. We are neither fate’s puppets nor is God a genie granting wishes. We share in the eternal power and in its dissemination.
While always about freedom and choice, Christian Existentialism is also framed by belief and faith, using our rich moral tradition to inform our decisions. As individuals we translate God’s fullness through our choices.
It is then that our existence has meaning.
This puts a great deal of emphasis on personal responsibility and requires a resolute self-awareness, as our life is based on the informed choices that we make. We are to see ourselves as honestly as possible, even if it is painful to do so. This is central to finding meaning in existence.
“And men go abroad to admire the heights of mountains, the mighty waves of the sea, the broad tides of rivers, the compass of the ocean, and the circuits of the stars, yet pass over the mystery of themselves without a thought.” 6
So, regarding my former Sunday School classmate’s quandary, merely to ask prayerfully for a certain outcome, without the participation of the petitioner, is useless. We do our part. We work with God and God with us. We are God’s vessel through whom all that is Godly is enabled.
Hence, we are full partners in the construction of the Kingdom.
Thanks, Mrs. Dixon.
Pray as though everything depended on God. Work as though everything depended on you.7
The most useful book on St. Augustine is his Confessions, still in print, easily available, and according to its publisher [Penguin] currently ranked the #3 bestseller in theology, which is impressive for a work composed in the late 4th century.
Breathe in me O Holy Spirit, that my thoughts may all be holy.
Act in me O Holy Spirit, that my work, too, may be holy.
Draw my heart O Holy Spirit, that I love but what is holy.
Strengthen me O Holy Spirit, to defend all that is holy.
Guard me, then, O Holy Spirit, that I always may be holy. Amen.8
Non-theistic Existentialism would enjoy its high point in the 1950’s and early 1960’s as two Existential philosophers, Albert Camus [1957] and Jean-Paul Sartre [1964] would be awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature.
from Confessions, by St. Augustine
Acts 9:1-19
Pascal’s Pensees
St. Augustine’s Sermon 170, verse 11
from Confessions, by St. Augustine
Ibid
St. Augustine’s Prayer to the Holy Spirit
Another lovely journey with you! That picture of Epiphany really brought back memories for me. And this quote really resonates: "“If you don’t study and do your homework, God can’t help you. You have to do your part. God works with you, not around you.”" Obviously, replace "study" and "do your homework" with one's specific situation and this should be very powerful. Too many believe God to be some magician in the sky who can snap his fingers and make your rich, happy, etc., but that's just not how it works. Thanks for another great read! :}
Great read!